Tired of being excited, tired of saying goodbye, tired of moving things, tired of people asking, “How much do you want for that?”
You will answer the same 15 questions about your plans about 8,573,000,001 times. Each person who asks has no idea how many times you’ve repeated the same information, and it is important to be nice. Also, it gives you a brief understanding of what it must be like to perform Top 20 pop songs, and you feel you finally have a spiritual connection with Brittany Spears.
You will sometimes nap on the couch, grateful that you asked the person who is buying it to hold off on picking it up until the end of the month and while you are in the middle of that nap, you will all of a sudden feel like you are falling, rapidly, and you’ve got to kick out your feet quickly in your dreams which actually then also happens in real life which then causes you to roll off the couch and bump your head on the coffee table which you then wish you’d ask your friend to take earlier than the end of the month even though it makes a good foot rest.
Your nap will then be over.
You will have a lot of paperwork to track, passport photos to gather, phone calls to make, doctor appointments to sneak in somehow, shots to avoid getting, emails to write, and people who will want to see you one last time.
The number of one last time requests increases as the number of days you have diminishes. Remember to allocate friend time according to whether or not they gave a shit about the fact that you weren’t busy most Saturday nights before anyone knew you were moving.
You will spend extra money filling prescriptions, buying extra contact lenses, reserving hotel rooms, buying gas to drive across the country, paying for house repairs like replacing those crumbly concrete steps that make your house look like it belongs in a different part of town, and restaurant food.
Even if you think eating in restaurants all the time is not all that great once you’ve done it too much, you will not have the mental capacity to make decisions about what to buy at the grocery store because you are leaving and you don’t want to throw more things away and you have so many appointments that even looking at the dirty coffee cups in the sink makes you tired. Cooking is pretty much out of the question.
You will find out who your real friends are. They help you get stuff out of the house, give you a bit of money for it, mow your lawn, give you hugs, and stop asking questions when they can tell you aren’t in the mood to answer them. They will also throw you a party that will probably make you cry.
You will cry about stuff that isn’t happening right now. You will lose things. You will forget things, put things in the wrong place, show up late, and wish the hard part was over already. You know it will be, soon, and you won’t be able to wait.
I don’t feel like much of a writer anymore. I don’t know what to blog when not acting like a giant firehose of personal experience on the internet.
My novel is a romantic comedy, because I want to write about things not me.
And I’m not much of a romantic comedy writer, given that I’ve not had even ten seconds of heart-bending romance in my life for the past four years.
Not that I’m complaining. That’s boring.
Plus, the internet has plenty of middle class single white women complaining about the lack of single men who fit their ideals.
It’s no wonder all the mens are hiding: if someone wouldn’t date me unless I were perfect, I’d hide out and play video games every weekend too.
I’ve just stopped looking, because I’m in a rut. It’s a bad time to look for anything more complicated than a good and affordable snow removal service.
A good handyman would be useful, too.
See what I did there?
Teaching has, fortunately, been fantastic.
I gave my my third hour students a creative project yesterday, and one kid found his ideas so entertaining that he giggled to himself the entire time he was working on it.
It was the most adorable thing I saw all day.
I’ve been reading a lot about quantum physics lately, and my brain is getting bended in all sorts of new directions.
Like – is what we believe to be true about ourselves what we create?
Can someone change his future by changing his belief about what the future brings?
Is the statement “I am an artist” enough to make space to experiment for someone who has believed his entire life that creativity was not in his repertoire?
The larger discussion about the power of positive thinking and creating intention has been turned into a fluffy pink clouds and crappy printed calligraphy New Age side show, and that pisses me off, because there is some good stuff in there.
Personal transformation cannot be restricted to those who buy the cutest affirmation flashcards.
I feel a bit self-conscious writing about spirituality on my blog, because I don’t want to become a skeptic magnet.